NewStats: 3,263,549 , 8,180,519 topics. Date: Friday, 06 June 2025 at 01:04 PM 6n196f

First and foremost, let me start off saying I am married and have kids so I understand your desire to have a family of your own. I have been thinking so much about life and destiny a lot.

- Some marry and their spouses will kill them
- Some have kids and their kids will bring them sorrow and tears
- Some marry and never have kids leading to sorrow and tears
- Some stay unmarried and fail to fulfill destiny
- Some marry, regret it and file for divorce
- Some marry, and the spouse dies early leading to single life and single parenting
- Some will marry and become Rich because of their spouses
- Some will be Rich and go broke because of their spouses

I think in all we do, we should just seek God's direction because truly NO ONE WAY FITS ALL.

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them


I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

My advice for you is to get a nanny but you should continue to stay with your folks , This will reduce your stress but won't affect your closeness with them and watch.

yemmit90:


You are too selfish and ingrate. So your parents that endure endless sleepless nights when you were a baby are fools abi? Your parents that sacrificed so much to make sure you are well brought up are fools? Your parents that bath you, carry your shits, wash your clothes for years are fools?

This type of people make one wonder if it worth to raise children. Anyway, when you start having your own children or reach their age, you will understand better.

That's life he can't live with them forever as a man he will one day create his own family. Hire nanny or have distance relations to live with them or better still have them live with you, in advance country this is not the responsibility of the children. They are nannies or caregiver all over the place to take care of old people. We shouldn't be emotional about everything, in reality the man needs to live his life and create his own period.

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.






Bro...this is a perfect explanation of the situation I was but 4months ago I decided to take a decisive step rented an apartment an moved out.I Need my privacy,I need my life and i need to get married and start raising kids.i still communicate with them and still send them money.I'm happy I moved out.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

Bro...this is a perfect explanation of the situation I was but 4months ago I decided to take a decisive step rented an apartment an moved out.I Need my privacy,I need my life and i need to get married and start raising kids.i still communicate with them and still send them money.I'm happy I moved out.

you can leave, even if you dont go too far away. Just make sure they are cattered for and get your siblings to contribute their quota.

An Adult needs space.

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

You're absolutely right in pointing out the growing disconnect between aging parents and their adult children in many parts of Africa today. It's heartbreaking and, frankly, troubling. Parents pour their time, energy, and resources into raising their children—often under extremely difficult conditions. When those children finally "make it," it shouldn't be seen as a burden to keep their parents close, but as a natural and noble continuation of the family bond.

In many Western or Eastern societies (Europe, America, China), multi-generational living is not frowned upon. In fact, it's quite common for elderly parents to live with their children or very close by, and their welfare is considered a shared responsibility, not just a personal choice.

But here, we've somehow equated independence with emotional distance, and we’ve bought into the idea that the height of success is moving away—not just physically, but relationally. That’s not progress; it’s a loss of values.

You’re also right about the emotional toll of loneliness in old age. It’s silent, painful, and cruel. And it’s avoidable—if only we choose empathy over ego. Staying with or caring for aged parents isn’t just about convenience or duty; it’s about preserving dignity, love, and the human spirit.

On the point about wealth and old age: yes, money gives options. Many wealthy men (or families in general) do end up having younger children later in life—not necessarily just to "keep the house running" but to maintain a sense of family and continuity. But for those who cannot or do not do that, the real wealth is in the children they already raised. If those children turn away, what's left?

To summarize your sentiment in :

-It's not weakness to stay with one's parents—it's strength, maturity, and comion.

-Modern success should include the ability to care for those who once cared for us, not just financial independence.

-African societies must rethink the way they view aging, dependency, and family roles.

-And yes, a man or woman should aspire to build wealth, not just for personal comfort, but to preserve the human connections that matter most when time begins to run out.

yemmit90:
We are so selfish and ignorant in this part of the world. What is so bad in staying with someone aged parents that laboured endlessly to raise us? So, he can move to them when he was struggling but not when he is financially stable? That is the extent of our shallow thinking, and you keep wondering if it worth it to suffer to raise children these days.

An average European, Chinese or American live with their parents but here in Africa, we detest and don't have empathy toward one another. Why would anyone leave his aged parents when he/she is in position to stay with them. Loneliness at old age is out of this world, and it is a great privilege to have one of your children family around.

That is why every man should try to make money. The rich take up another wife that will give them young children who will keep the house running at old age.

pansophist:

So if he has to be a businessman that travels globally, he should saddle his parents and be flying everywhere with them?

Case in point Aliko Dangote.

1. “Parents chose to have children, children didn’t choose to be born.”
Yes, parents make the choice, but let’s not reduce that choice to a mere transaction. True, bringing a child into the world comes with responsibility, but the reciprocal bond that forms isn’t purely obligation-based. Children didn’t ask to be born—but once here, they benefit immensely from the sacrifices and devotion of their parents.

Moral debt exists, even when legal obligation doesn’t. While it's true that children didn't choose to be born, once they become adults and benefit from what their parents sowed (especially in struggling societies where parents often suffer deeply for their kids to survive), choosing not to give back because “they chose to have me” feels emotionally and culturally shallow.

2. “Children grow up and leave home—it's natural.”
True, but leaving the home doesn’t mean abandoning the relationship. Yes, the Bible says a man shall leave his father and mother—but that’s in the context of building a marriage, not severing all forms of intimacy, care, or presence. Cultural evolution has made “leaving” too absolute.

In traditional African societies, even after marriage, many men brought their aging parents under the same roof, not just out of obligation, but honor. Modernity should not erase values—it should enhance them with more tools to uphold them (remote work, financial independence, better healthcare, etc.).

3. “Parents are to be with each other till death, not with their children.”
That’s a technical framing of marriage, but life is rarely that black and white. Companionship between parents is not a substitute for the joy of children’s presence—especially when one parent has died or when health deteriorates. A spouse can’t fill all gaps—emotional variety matters.

It’s dangerous to suggest aged parents should just find friends or church groups. That’s a system, yes—but it’s not the emotional weight or deep bond a child offers, especially in cultures where extended family has always been the bedrock of aging well.

4. “We shouldn’t birth kids just to have them care for us.”
Agreed—parenthood shouldn't be transactional. But you can’t separate the intergenerational contract that has kept communities strong for centuries. In many cultures, it’s not about grooming kids for service—it's about building continuity. Not everyone sees care in old age as a burden—some see it as a privilege.

We don’t say people shouldn’t pursue careers because work is hard. Why then do we demonize parenting as a painful gamble if kids might fail us? That's a pessimistic worldview. Parenting, like love, is a risk—but one that builds legacies, not just obligations.

5. “Children might bring heartache, so it’s better not to expect much.”
That’s a position rooted in fear and disappointment, not hope or duty. Of course, some children stray or become ungrateful. But that doesn’t justify withdrawing from the ideal of mutual care. If we use exceptions to define norms, we risk excusing ourselves from higher moral ground.

6. “Living with parents isn’t necessary to honor them.”
You're right that physical presence isn’t the only measure of love—but in the context of aging, vulnerability, and loneliness, presence does matter. Not always full-time cohabitation, but availability, involvement, and regular emotional connection. Money is helpful, but money doesn’t hold a frail hand at 3am.

On Pansophist and the girl in your parents' care:
Your family’s decision to raise and a non-relative is beautiful. That girl is lucky and your is irable. But her presence does not replace the presence of a child. It complements it. Your parents filled a gap—yes. But it’s not ideal to build family care systems on substitutes when the biological family still exists and can show up.

Finally, the point isn’t that everyone must live with their parents. It’s about rethinking the modern narrative that sees aged parents as inconvenient, and the moral laziness that detaches emotional proximity from physical .

Our cultural shift should not be toward independence at the cost of family—it should be toward balanced autonomy that doesn’t forget the shoulders we stood on.

Let’s debate these issues not with fear of emotional blackmail or guilt—but with gratitude, empathy, and a sense of duty rooted not in obligation, but in honor.

Klass99:


I think you have a good point but Pansophist also made some valid points, your response and reaction to him wasn't necessary.

Let's try and debate the issue sensibly and in a civil manner.

1. The difference between parents and children is that, parents made a choice to have children and that choice comes with responsibilities and obligations some of which you listed above. Children on the other hand didn't make a choice to come into this world, to have parents or to have the sort of situation OP is in thrust upon them. As children we try to make the best of it, by doing good, doing right and doing well by our parents.

2. It is a natural course of life that children will grow up one day and leave home. This is a normal and old practice, even the bible talks about a man leaving his parents to cleave to his wife. We leave the nest to build our lives and live out our dreams or purpose, most times that means physically parting from parents and leaving them behind.

3. Parents and children were never meant to be together until death do them part. That is an exclusive reserve of married couples. The OP"s parents are the ones who should be together till death does them part. I understand the sentiment you expressed about parents being old, doing things for us and wanting us around in old age, but I think what most of them truly need is companionship.

4. It can be companionship from one another as a couple, from their friends, church community, or a group of people with same interests, etc. It must not necessarily be from the physical presence of their children. This is one of the reasons why I believe companionship is more important in marriage than children. I also don't like this idea we have of birthing kids so they can look after us in old age. It creates scenarios like the one OP is in now and emotional blackmail as well.

5. I cannot relate to the desire or need, to bring non-existent people into existence, just so they can take care of us in old age. It is a lot work if you ask me, because the work you will do for those children before you reach old age, will be more than the work they'll do for you in return. And if they are children who refuse to catch sense, heartache and pain awaits you in old age.

6. So, yes, while parents fed us and took care of us, it was their responsibility and duty to do so, as a matter of the choice they made to bring us into this world. While we also have a duty to do right by them as godly and sensible children, we can do that without necessarily living with them.

My own mother told me once that while they do not see me often they feel my impact from miles away through the financial I provide. Pansophist is not wrong when he says they should adopt children, in my case, we have a young girl of University age who lives with my parents.

She's in her 3rd year now, she's not a blood relative, I don't know how or where my mum found her but they've put her through primary and secondary school, now she's almost through with University.

I am more quick to send that girl pocket money for her personal use, than I am, to send to some of my own blood relatives. Blood is not thicker than water for me when it comes to that girl, the value she has provided and continues to provide exceeds the value some blood relatives have provided.

How about if his wife also wants to live in the same house with her aged parents Abi woman no get parents ni

Are a female? Well whoever u be go and marry and start ur own family just make sure you live very close to them for continue ur caring for them.

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.





My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

Please I understand your feelings very well. But please don’t leave them,whatever your decision.

yemmit90:
We are so selfish and ignorant in this part of the world. What is so bad in staying with someone aged parents that laboured endlessly to raise us? So, he can move to them when he was struggling but not when he is financially stable? That is the extent of our shallow thinking, and you keep wondering if it worth it to suffer to raise children these days.

An average European, Chinese or American live with their parents but here in Africa, we detest and don't have empathy toward one another. Why would anyone leave his aged parents when he/she is in position to stay with them. Loneliness at old age is out of this world, and it is a great privilege to have one of your children family around.

That is why every man should try to make money. The rich take up another wife that will give them young children who will keep the house running at old age.

No mind them,that's why we have high rate of crime today...no home training...you will see a boy of 18 20....when you ask him he will say am living alone...I no need my parents wahala because they are free to do all sort of nonsense

Using high-profile families like Seyi Tinubu and Kiddwaya to draw conclusions about how average people should live with or around their parents is a false equivalence. These are ultra-wealthy individuals whose lives operate in entirely different socio-economic realities. Seyi Tinubu might live close to his father, but he likely has autonomy, privacy, and resources that make proximity easier and healthier.

For the average Nigerian, living with parents in adulthood often comes with conflict, guilt-tripping, unhealthy dependencies, or emotional manipulation. It’s not always about love—it’s sometimes about control. That’s why many leave: not to run from love, but to preserve sanity.

“Who made the rule that we must run away from our parents?”
That’s a powerful question. But the truth is: no one made that rule—life did. Job opportunities are in Lagos or abroad. Rent is high. Parents sometimes live in rural or less developed areas. Movement isn’t rebellion; it’s a survival response to a dysfunctional system.

Also, “running away” is not the same as “building your own life”. Just because someone doesn’t live in the same house with their parents doesn’t mean they’re disconnected, heartless, or irresponsible. Emotional presence can be more meaningful than physical presence—especially if the physical presence is toxic, burdensome, or unsustainable.

“May God bless us to change these dynamics” — But how?
Yes, may God bless us—but we need more than blessings. We need:

Better systems: where elderly care is not a private burden but a shared societal one (healthcare, pensions, networks).

Healthy family boundaries: where love doesn’t mean suffocation or emotional debt.

Generational empathy: where both parents and children understand that change doesn’t mean abandonment.


The goal isn’t to run from parents or stay with them no matter what. The goal is to build emotionally healthy, respectful, and mutually enriching relationships, whether that’s in the same house, the same city, or across the world. Let’s not shame people who choose space. Let’s not idealize public figures whose lives most of us can’t relate to. And let’s certainly not equate physical distance with moral failure.

Acidosis:
Whenever I see threads like this, I think of Seyi Tinubu and his father. Seyi is married with children, by the way. The same applies to Kiddwaya and his father, among others.

I believe the struggles and challenges of this world have imposed certain rules and cultures on us. Who made the rule that we must run away from our parents when no one is truly pursuing us.

May God continue to bless and provide for us to change these dynamics. It is well.

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

Unfortunately, it's what it is. You need to start a life. You've really come of age. At times when I read a story like this, I'll slow down the pace of worldly pursuit. One day, you'd be very old, if God gives you long life and become irrelevant and be waiting for the last call home.

OP, please tell your siblings to gather up and hire a maid for them. Rent the apartments in the house out, so they'd have neighbours. Some of them could be nice enough to handle chores for then willingly.

Before my mum ed, we hired a doctor who was visiting every week to see her. She also had someone cooking and cleaning for her.

So baba, do your best for them while they're still alive. I've advised you already, based on experience. We rented part of her place out.

Life is really not worth the giragira and I wonder if our politicians stealing from the masses are learning anything.

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

Bros stay back at home n take care of them to receive ur blessing in full. I did same I did not regret it. You r blessed for doing so

yemmit90:
p [b]we are so selfish and ignorant i[/b]n this part of the world. What is so bad in staying with someone aged parents that laboured endlessly to raise us? So, he can move to them when he was struggling but not when he is financially stable? That is the extent of our shallow thinking, and you keep wondering if it worth it to suffer to raise children these days.

An average European, Chinese or American live with their parents but here in Africa, detest and don't have empathy toward one another. Why would anyone leave his aged parents when he/she is in position to stay with them. Loneliness at old age is out of this world, and it is a great privilege to have one of your children family around.

That is why every man should try to make money. The rich take up another wife that will give them young children who will keep the house running at old age.

Listen to yourself. His parents has had their own life. Let him go have his. EoD

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

Mine is staying with me.

damosade:
Get them a nanny and go find your life. Time is running.

bad idea. One nearly poisoned me.

Candid Advice - If you marry and move in with either your parents or your wife's parents, the marriage will not last.

It's too close for comfort and simple marital quarrel that would have been resolved easily will lead to big issues because one party will want to prove a point to their parents who will hear everything you guys are discussing or quarrelling about.

Even with parents who live in different continents, some of them cause havoc for their child's marriage by being too domineering from abroad and some even travel across continents to challenge their child's spouse to an argument because of something their child has told them about their spouse.

Now moving in with your parents if you are single is up to you but if you have any plans of getting married and living with your wife as husband and wife soon, you need to think about whether your wife and your mum will not be like cat and rat if your mum is the overbearing type that wants to direct her daughter in laws life.

Okere ni omo iya gben dun. (Na from afar family dey take sweet - ie once everybody is in everybody's face and in everyone's business, family no dey sweet again 'cos you no longer have any privacy).

For me, there is no bad with staying with your aged parents. Since you have something doing that is fetching you money around there stay back and continue.

pansophist:
Your parents should adopt kids, thats the natural cure to this dilemma.

Children needs guidance, provisions and protection, and your parents needs their presence, and to see life through the eyes of children once again.

Also, the power dynamic between you and your parents have changed, unlike when you were a child. Right now, your parents have authority over you but without responsibilities, which is unfair to you.

For example, if they want to bath with hot water, prefer their eba extra soft, and maybe you have to clean their apartment, these are responsibilities on you, but you cant tell them what to do, or even scold them. You have no authority.

With children, your parents will have authorities and responsibilities, which is a balance. E.g, they kids do domestic work, and your parents wont feel lonely. But the trade off is that your parents have responsibilities towards the children.

I see that you have a good family that is united, and you care for your parents, this is very good, but consider what I said. Its an old practice that is solved by adopting kids, or men going into polygamy to birth more children.

says who? My parents knows I don't like repeating myself more than 2 times. Na me b authority.

yemmit90:
We are so selfish and ignorant in this part of the world. What is so bad in staying with someone aged parents that laboured endlessly to raise us? So, he can move to them when he was struggling but not when he is financially stable? That is the extent of our shallow thinking, and you keep wondering if it worth it to suffer to raise children these days.

An average European, Chinese or American live with their parents but here in Africa, we detest and don't have empathy toward one another. Why would anyone leave his aged parents when he/she is in position to stay with them. Loneliness at old age is out of this world, and it is a great privilege to have one of your children family around.

That is why every man should try to make money. The rich take up another wife that will give them young children who will keep the house running at old age.

I love this man. Some people only run to their parents when they are in trouble but forgets them when things are stable.


I still meeting two different women... Begging just for food... One was raining cause on d pikin. Just abandon hin mama for house. Loneliness wan finish d woman.

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

Just as you are...

No wife...

No girl friend ever.

Deaf, a teacher of a local secondary school institute, a tailor...
No child!

My peanuts rise and fall...
At the sight of a 'boobs' or 'large backyard' and ing 'front-art', my pestle do rise to prominence but been short of words, I goof seeing girls going and coming, it fell flat in my sòkóto😢😢😢

@40, I still reside with my parents. With my trees in my family vineyard, my crops in the garden, my properties around the house... Can I live all these behind and leave them with a relation?
No...
No...
No....

I stay behind. I took charge of whatever lays ahead. Am not going to live in a stranfeland or a land where I do not belong; am taking charge of my heritage, using it the best way I can.

Say, "you are wrong", am thinking that am wrong; but how can I live my fruit trees and garden of natural foods behind and go to a place where I will have to buy with money those things I had at home free?

Gerrard59:
Parents should know that one day their children will leave them to be on their own. Na you as husband and wife go dey together until una kpe.me

This is a lesson a lot of women fail to realise. They neglect and ignore their husbands in the guise of looking after the kids and by the time the so called kids grow up and leave home, they and their husbands are no longer friends but are now strangers who a lot of times can no longer stand one another's company or even look each other in the eye due to built up neglect and resentment.

As women are focusing their energies on raising their kids, they should also realise that the kids will one day grow up and move out to get married and if they and their sons wife do not get on, then the only person whose face they WILL see EVERYDAY is their husband and if they can no longer stand looking into each others eyes, then their old age may be miserable for both of them or the man may start avoiding staying at home if the wife is at home.

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

get a place closeby so u can always check in on them.

carzeem1:
Your parent lived thier lifes, it's time to live yours. Talk to your siblings about getting a help or nanny to cover Ur bit.
Also stop playing God thinking it will go bad when you leave, no one is indispensable.
Go explore the opportunities the world has to offer and not limit yourself to being a nanny unless that's what you desire out of life.
Lastly, pray earnestly (daily if possible) before you move out again so you don't experience another setback that will make you go back to thier house.

Words on marble.

SultanOfPuna:
ok thanks for the input. We have found a nanny but due to an incident that happened to one of our family friend.
The said woman employ nanny to take care of house and the nanny ended up poisoning the woman and her son. Then took a bag of money the woman kept in her room and ran away.

So they are really paranoid of any nanny taking care of them.
They prefer a family member or relation they can trust.
Currently none of our relatives are available to help out and majority of them are abroad🤷

A relation can take care of mine.... But, I can't live all behind. Sorry, a woman can, but am not a woman.

Am a male. Am the first born!

So...., I should stay behind?

yemmit90:
We are so selfish and ignorant in this part of the world. What is so bad in staying with someone aged parents that laboured endlessly to raise us? So, he can move to them when he was struggling but not when he is financially stable? That is the extent of our shallow thinking, and you keep wondering if it worth it to suffer to raise children these days.

An average European, Chinese or American live with their parents but here in Africa, we detest and don't have empathy toward one another. Why would anyone leave his aged parents when he/she is in position to stay with them. Loneliness at old age is out of this world, and it is a great privilege to have one of your children family around.

That is why every man should try to make money. The rich take up another wife that will give them young children who will keep the house running at old age.

Which " average European or American"? You are turfed out as soom as you turn 18, to get a job and your own apartment. Especially the working classes. Nigerians are the ones who care for their parents and especially the females are expected to live at home until they marry, except if they work in a different town.

pansophist:
Your parents should adopt kids, thats the natural cure to this dilemma.

Children needs guidance, provisions and protection, and your parents needs their presence, and to see life through the eyes of children once again.

Also, the power dynamic between you and your parents have changed, unlike when you were a child. Right now, your parents have authority over you but without responsibilities, which is unfair to you.

For example, if they want to bath with hot water, prefer their eba extra soft, and maybe you have to clean their apartment, these are responsibilities on you, but you cant tell them what to do, or even scold them. You have no authority.

With children, your parents will have authorities and responsibilities, which is a balance. E.g, they kids do domestic work, and your parents wont feel lonely. But the trade off is that your parents have responsibilities towards the children.

I see that you have a good family that is united, and you care for your parents, this is very good, but consider what I said. Its an old practice that is solved by adopting kids, or men going into polygamy to birth more children.

Nicely curated!

Go and live your life. You are still young. Your parents were surviving before you moved in, they have each other and have lived their life. They will be fine. Get them a mature house woman or relative to live with them. Then check on them often to make sure the house is in order.

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.

My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

If there’s enough space in the house where u can have some privacy as at when needed, abeg stay and save some cash for something else like a car or something.. you can still have your life while taking care/being around for them. They really don’t have much time again, and no one wants to see his or her aged parents mishandled or mistreated, there’s a blessing there-in.