NewStats: 3,263,548 , 8,180,518 topics. Date: Friday, 06 June 2025 at 01:02 PM 1b4u3h

ennon92:
Most nannies or care givers are not to be trusted... Haven't you heard of a story that happened in Edo or...can't really the state where the care giver smashed one grandma's head against the wall, took all her gold and valuables and japa, he was later arrested sha.

The story you referred to above happened to Ex Edo Governor Lucky Igbinedion's disabled mum and her killer was her 25 year old female maid who smashed a stool on the disabled 85 year old woman's head as she slept in her house at GRA Benin before stealing a mere N100,000, wristwatch, and jewellery from her. She escaped to Cross River State, but was later arrested by the police and she has now been sentenced to death by hanging.

https://nairaland.sitesunblocked.org/6905794/maria-igbinedion-housemaid-dominion-okoro

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

If your parents are the owner of where you stay, and you can still find a space to build a room and parlour by the side or at the back, you can do that and start your family.


That is what I want to do thou I am practically going through alot.

Believe me staying home really helped with the way we hand-with-hand to endure this Tinubu hard regime, if not for that my life would have been miserable.

My father left home since 20 years ago and I cannot leave my mother to herself. She has really suffered alot, I am the only male, all my sister's are married. She's an health conditioned patient hence I cannot leave her to herself. Who will she talk to, she would be too lonely.

My mom has been so good to my wife, my sisters pamper her too. My mother gave my wife a shop space to practice her trade. In any of our misunderstanding , my family will my wife. They will even be telling me it's women ing women world.

If I succeed to build my own space, I'll still move my mother along. She's very active with my child, she would wake up all the night tendering to her grandchild while me and my wife is sound asleep.

Find a woman that can reason along with you thou not every woman will want to be in this setting and it is because of the many bad stories for a wife to live in her husband family house made this setting a no go area. I can read my wife body reaction to this setting but do we have a choice even thou she's not contributing to any house welfare.

Stay by your parents, do not let this woke mentality people are throwing here and there mislead you. Your parents need you, it's clear and they even say it out to you.

IyaTola:
You're absolutely right in pointing out the growing disconnect between aging parents and their adult children in many parts of Africa today. It's heartbreaking and, frankly, troubling. Parents pour their time, energy, and resources into raising their children—often under extremely difficult conditions. When those children finally "make it," it shouldn't be seen as a burden to keep their parents close, but as a natural and noble continuation of the family bond.

In many Western or Eastern societies (Europe, America, China), multi-generational living is not frowned upon. In fact, it's quite common for elderly parents to live with their children or very close by, and their welfare is considered a shared responsibility, not just a personal choice.

But here, we've somehow equated independence with emotional distance, and we’ve bought into the idea that the height of success is moving away—not just physically, but relationally. That’s not progress; it’s a loss of values.

You’re also right about the emotional toll of loneliness in old age. It’s silent, painful, and cruel. And it’s avoidable—if only we choose empathy over ego. Staying with or caring for aged parents isn’t just about convenience or duty; it’s about preserving dignity, love, and the human spirit.

On the point about wealth and old age: yes, money gives options. Many wealthy men (or families in general) do end up having younger children later in life—not necessarily just to "keep the house running" but to maintain a sense of family and continuity. But for those who cannot or do not do that, the real wealth is in the children they already raised. If those children turn away, what's left?

To summarize your sentiment in :

-It's not weakness to stay with one's parents—it's strength, maturity, and comion.

-Modern success should include the ability to care for those who once cared for us, not just financial independence.

-African societies must rethink the way they view aging, dependency, and family roles.

-And yes, a man or woman should aspire to build wealth, not just for personal comfort, but to preserve the human connections that matter most when time begins to run out.

Whom ever you are, I bless you...
Thankyou for putting a pay to my heart's inquisity....

Though that there is no helper or whatever it's called in religious circle, our destinies are differing. Our sufferings and joy and aging and entire predestination. So if I can't do it now, life shall wait for me, just that sane life which is in all those around me. For when am down, another is up, when am up, another is down.

We are shadows and life helping each other as we breath on in existence.

Blessed be you🙏🏿

OP.
Don't let any idiot advise you to leave your aged parents house cos of nonsense culture.
Your parents house is still your house..
They need you..
Take care of them as they did you decades ago.
This isn't the time to abandon them like one idiat mentioned on top.
Connect with them..
They don't have much time left.
You're lucky o
Both my parents are late and I miss them every single day.
You can hire a cleaner to help them around the house..
If you're comfortable..who says you can't marry and move out but still be close by to them?
Please and please..don't allow stupid negative minded idiats convince you to abandon your mom and dad at this present state

Ilekokonit:


Case in point Aliko Dangote.

You are phantasozing, child, calam down.

Aliko Dangote is not the first child nor the first male nor the only child, nor a child that frets for his benign parents.

Be calaming down🤣😂🤣. Aliko Dangote might be going and coming back home. With servants at his ilt and call and beck, (who will not yarn to get in his shoes who say, "protect" and it's done) he can protect his parents on many forms we do yarn for.

Just.... Protect your parents in the least way you can, been bearvto their even silent calls🙏🏿

pansophist:

I was watching a documentary where in Australia, they are using chickens to keep these old people company, many of which were even millionaires.

Some live with lots of pets, and sadly, many die in their house and it can take months before they were discovered dead.

Old age sincerely freak the shit out of me. It also makes me so humble because after all these gra gra, your money cant save you from the lonliness and agony that come with it.

But for sure if I get to that age, I will surely adopt children, and enjoy the natural balance that comes with parenthood and children.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHBTmBsxshM

I will bookmark this your post as it may one day come in useful for me because with the way Nigeria is going, NONE of us can say with certainty where they will be living in old age and it's most likely going to be in a Western country especially for those who have spent decades there already in their younger days.

But then again, you have to have adopted the child when you are not too old as in most "responsible" countries, adoption agencies will assess your health and vitality to ensure you can care for a child through to adulthood and they will also look at the age gap between you and the child you want to adopt.

pansophist:


Close-minded people (actually stupid people) uses insult, shaming tactics, and manipulation trying to make sense, instead of drop their foolish opinion and go.

Why is his parent not with their own parents?

All the thing you mentioned that his parent did for him, he will do it for his own children, this is the natural dynamic. It doesnt mean he wont show care to his parent, but care doesnt mean living with them permanently.

So if he has to be a businessman that travels globally, he should saddle his parents and be flying everywhere with them? Do you think at all?

I take very good care of my parents, and we do not live together. Care can be shown without 24/7 physical presence. I have kids as well, so I have reached that age.

Judging from the time you opened your nairaland , I would have expect a level of decorum and manners when you write, but you have proven that stupid people also grow old

You mentioned polygamy & birthing more kids as the 1st batch all grown up, next batch will cater for the old parents. This is good, no need of hiring serial nannies.

My advice is look for an apartment close to them ,where u can easily breeze in and out,that was what I did before getting married

It's a blessing to care for your parents.

If you must move out, do the following;

1. Get a house no more than an hour away from them.
2. Hire a nanny and caregiver if required.
3. Install CCTV to monitor the nanny or caregiver.
4. Visit them as often as you can weekly and call them daily.

Did you mean you can't sacrifice for your parents. When things were so bad for you, you knew the road to their house eating free food. It's now you suddenly realize you have to find your own life.

yemmit90:
We are so selfish and ignorant in this part of the world. What is so bad in staying with someone aged parents that laboured endlessly to raise us? So, he can move to them when he was struggling but not when he is financially stable? That is the extent of our shallow thinking, and you keep wondering if it worth it to suffer to raise children these days.

An average European, Chinese or American live with their parents but here in Africa, we detest and don't have empathy toward one another. Why would anyone leave his aged parents when he/she is in position to stay with them. Loneliness at old age is out of this world, and it is a great privilege to have one of your children family around.

That is why every man should try to make money. The rich take up another wife that will give them young children who will keep the house running at old age.

May you live long
You've spoken well

How many of you here are currently living with your Parents?

Especially you Men.

You guys should think before u talk.

You men that are married with wives and kids, what is stopping you from moving back to your parents house and live with them with ur wife and kids?

What is stopping you?

Or are ur parents not old?

Anybody that comes to Nairaland for advice ehn has destroyed his life even before it begins.

pansophist:


Close-minded people (actually stupid people) uses insult, shaming tactics, and manipulation trying to make sense, instead of drop their foolish opinion and go.

Why is his parent not with their own parents?

All the thing you mentioned that his parent did for him, he will do it for his own children, this is the natural dynamic. It doesnt mean he wont show care to his parent, but care doesnt mean living with them permanently.

So if he has to be a businessman that travels globally, he should saddle his parents and be flying everywhere with them? Do you think at all?

I take very good care of my parents, and we do not live together. Care can be shown without 24/7 physical presence. I have kids as well, so I have reached that age.

Judging from the time you opened your nairaland , I would have expect a level of decorum and manners when you write, but you have proven that stupid people also grow old

Your initial suggestion is out of touch with the young man's reality. His aged parents should adopt a child to take care of them? What are you talking about?

Darcygrey:
It's a blessing to care for your parents.

If you must move out, do the following;

1. Get a house no more than an hour away from them.
2. Hire a nanny and caregiver if required.
3. Install CCTV to monitor the nanny or caregiver.
4. Visit them as often as you can weekly and call them daily.

I hope your house is not more than an hour away from your own parents.

SAMAJ:
Did you mean you can't sacrifice for your parents. When things were so bad for you, you knew the road to their house eating free food. It's now you suddenly realize you have to find your own life.

I hope you are sacrificing for your own parents by living with them.

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

Bros if you are transfered to a place of work farther to where you are staying won't you go? And also I believe moving your family in is a risk. There might be issues with your wife and your parents. No privacy, grandma is a nitpicker blah blah women will complain. And you will still want to decide to move out again. Why not arrange with your brothers and sisters and look for how to go about it. There will still be someone left.

northbird:


You are blessed. . Don't stay far away from your parents at this stage, since you are now financially bouyant.
Even if you rent your own apartment, make sure its not more than one hour drive from them.

Do this, you know your parents, there's a particular food or dish they like , it might even be an old school music recording,it could even be 100 or 200 naira mint notes ,maybe 7 or 8. you will be suprised at what shacks old folks. it might be individually.
Start preparing it, and when they want to thank you, jokingly, tell them to bless you.
Do this often, it will propel you forward, it's called, transference of grace.

Some will smirk at this key, . the current greatest world footballer lives with his Mother,.. he didn't just start, yes, he's good, he trains hard, true. But, there's a certain extra edge that pushes men into greatness.

.Trust me on this.

There was a time Anthony Joshua was living with her mother, I don't know as of now. When the rich live with their parents, humans will find no fault in it, but when a poor man do it, it is his fellow poor man that will rain all sort of insults on him. Human being is the worst creature on earth...

Konquest:

Some of the Nanny and domestic staff recruitment agencies in Nigeria have over the years recruited confirmed kidnappers and criminals who went on to kidnap the kids of their employers, poison, and outrightly bring armed robbers into the houses of their employers. So due diligence is key.

Nigeria is just a tough place to survive. How many things we go come dey fear for this our lovely country bayi

jimmyolasun:



I am in the same shoes as you.. don't mind anyone asking you to go out and leave your parents. I just jejely constructed an apartment and renovated the house. And living peacefully..

lol for this tinubulation regime, if someone has a good family Na to stay put oo....

There is no need talking on this matter.

Most of the comments are just plain DUMB.

Your Parents have lived their own lives.

So you won't live yours?

Even the Bible says "A man will leave his father and mother..."

The bible did not say "A man will stay and live with his father and mother...."

Was your parents living with their own parents in their own parents house when their own parents were old?

I have not read any sensible comment on this thread.

SultanOfPuna:
ok thanks for the input. We have found a nanny but due to an incident that happened to one of our family friend.
The said woman employ nanny to take care of house and the nanny ended up poisoning the woman and her son. Then took a bag of money the woman kept in her room and ran away.

So they are really paranoid of any nanny taking care of them.
They prefer a family member or relation they can trust.
Currently none of our relatives are available to help out and majority of them are abroad🤷

I’d still advise you get them a nanny. Make sure it’s a come in the morning and leave in the evening kinda thing. That way, you can monitor and get updates frequently.

kevotek1000:


That's life he can't live with them forever as a man he will one day create his own family. Hire nanny or have distance relations to live with them or better still have them live with you, in advance country this is not the responsibility of the children. They are nannies or caregiver all over the place to take care of old people. We shouldn't be emotional about everything, in reality the man needs to live his life and create his own period.

Thank you very much.

One bottle of fresh fruit juice for you.

Solsix:

My colleague got his dream job but resigned after few months because his mother was sick and nobody to take care of her. He resigned to take care of his mother. He chose his mother over his job

What a lovely man he is...

So basically, they were there for you when u needed them. You don't need them anymore and you wish to dump them. Is that about right? Smh

yemmit90:
We are so selfish and ignorant in this part of the world. What is so bad in staying with someone aged parents that laboured endlessly to raise us? So, he can move to them when he was struggling but not when he is financially stable? That is the extent of our shallow thinking, and you keep wondering if it worth it to suffer to raise children these days.

An average European, Chinese or American live with their parents but here in Africa, we detest and don't have empathy toward one another. Why would anyone leave his aged parents when he/she is in position to stay with them. Loneliness at old age is out of this world, and it is a great privilege to have one of your children family around.

That is why every man should try to make money. The rich take up another wife that will give them young children who will keep the house running at old age.

This really got me emotional — because it’s true.
Today, many people see staying with one’s parents, even while working, as a societal stigma — a sign of an "unestablished" life. But I ask: how financially, physically, or emotionally established were you all the years they kept you close, groomed you, and sacrificed for you?

The young man in that story made a valid point — his parents are now in a frail stage of life. And trust me, everything he said is valid.

I have a friend who lives abroad, and his elder sister too — both married. Their younger brother, of blessed memory, would have been about 37 now. He chose to live with their elderly parents while working, even though he could afford to live independently. Tragically, the helper they brought in to assist their parents ended up striking him dead. Since then, after grieving the loss of their son, the parents have refused every suggestion to bring in another helper or nanny. They've now relocated permanently to their other children abroad, simply to avoid reliving that painful memory.

Believe it or not, just as you once felt safe growing up around your parents, they now feel the same sense of safety and comfort around you in their old age.

In India, for example, it’s common for children to marry and continue living with their parents — not out of dependency, but to maintain a strong family bond, stay close enough to care for their aging parents, and preserve a deep sense of unity and value.

But over here, it seems we’ve adopted the mindset of: "To your tents, O Israel."

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

Your siblings who are married, don’t they have children? Your parent’s grandchildren can now come in. So you and your elder siblings should plan well for any of the grandchildren that should be staying with them—the schooling especially. Once in a while you pay a visit and let the child also pay his/her own parents a visit for a while too. During Holiday, another grandchild can stay with them too.

Omo this is why I fear old age. Omo.

yemmit90:
We are so selfish and ignorant in this part of the world. What is so bad in staying with someone aged parents that laboured endlessly to raise us? So, he can move to them when he was struggling but not when he is financially stable? That is the extent of our shallow thinking, and you keep wondering if it worth it to suffer to raise children these days.

An average European, Chinese or American live with their parents but here in Africa, we detest and don't have empathy toward one another. Why would anyone leave his aged parents when he/she is in position to stay with them. Loneliness at old age is out of this world, and it is a great privilege to have one of your children family around.

That is why every man should try to make money. The rich take up another wife that will give them young children who will keep the house running at old age.

you saying thrash...
no kid asked to be birthed so we no owe parents anything abeg...
last thing a white will do is depending on kids...
they go a good working system for old persons in of the financial part and nanny full everywhere...
this entitlement mentality from parents to kids is disgusting...

so una de born so that them kids go care for una future Na Abi..
what about those without kids

Leaving with age parents can be overbearing especially if they nag too much and try to control yo life like a child & force their old fashioned way on you.
The best he can do is to marry & born pikins to keep d parent busy.

I will advise you stay there with them, Get yourself a wife and start your own family now that you're financially stable there's nothing wrong in staying with your parents at this stage of their life that they needed you most dear God bless you.

Ilekokonit:


The story you referred to above happened to Ex Edo Governor Lucky Igbinedion's disabled mum and her killer was her 25 year old female maid who smashed a stool on the disabled 85 year old woman's head as she slept in her house at GRA Benin before stealing a mere N100,000, wristwatch, and jewellery from her. She escaped to Cross River State, but was later arrested by the police and she has now been sentenced to death by hanging.

https://nairaland.sitesunblocked.org/6905794/maria-igbinedion-housemaid-dominion-okoro

case closed...Thank you for this

Smithwilliams826:
says who? My parents knows I don't like repeating myself more than 2 times. Na me b authority.

🤣😂
Military man